Why do these voices never have anything nice to say?

“Quieting these voices is at least half the battle I fight daily,” says Anne Lamott, in Bird by Bird, a book “on writing and life.” “But this is better than it used to be. It used to be 87 percent.”

She describes an exercise a hypnotist taught her:

“Close your eyes and get quiet for a minute, until the chatter starts up. Then isolate one of the voices and imagine the person speaking as a mouse. Pick it up by the tail and drop it into a mason jar. Then isolate another voice, pick it up by the tail, drop it in the jar. And so on. Drop in any high-maintenance parental units, drop in any contractors, lawyers, colleagues, children, anyone who is whining in your head. Then put the lid on, and watch all these mouse people clawing at the glass, jabbering away, trying to make you feel like s**t because you won’t do what they want–won’t give them more money, won’t be more successful, won’t see them more often. Then imagine that there is a volume-control button on the bottle. Turn it all the way up for a minute, and listen to the stream of angry, neglected, guilt-mongering voices. Then turn it all the way down and watch the frantic mice lunge at the glass, trying to get to you. Leave it down, and get back to your s***y first draft.”

Lamott’s context is writing, her battle perfectionism, which so often impedes her writing because it won’t be perfect the first time she puts it down on paper.

Your context may be a career in a different field. It may be your efforts to lose weight and improve your health. Maybe it’s a new relationship. It may be you as a suddenly single mom, uncertain of the future. Maybe your spiritual journey is taking you in a different direction than that which your parents started you in.

Whatever your context, learn to quiet those voices. Call them what you will, just put them in a jar and do not let them feed your fears.

You are YOU, an individual, making the choices that are best for YOU. You’ll be scared sometimes, and uncomfortable, and you won’t always get what you want. You are capable, and you will be successful.

Questions or comments? Contact me here.

“Is Fat-Free Making You Fat?” is featured here, in the Weight Management and Fitness Forum: http://weight-master.blogspot.com/2010/01/weight-management-and-fitness-forum_16.html

My recipe for Orange Cranberry Granola is featured here, in the Make It From Scratch Carnival: http://gottalittlespacetofill.blogspot.com/2010/01/make-it-from-scratch-carnival.html

“How to Make a Budget That Works” is featured here, the Carnival of the Vanities: http://www.andrewiandodge.com/2009/12/17/catch-up_cotv/

Each carnival contains more useful information, or just plain interesting stuff, on the respective topics! Enjoy.

Questions or comments? Contact me here.

• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1 c medium onion, chopped
• 1/2 green pepper. chopped (I left this out because I didn’t have one)
• 3 cloves garlic
• 3 c vegetable broth
• 2-3 sweet potatoes, peeled and diced (about 3 c)
• 1 19-oz can diced tomatoes
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp coriander
• 1 tsp chili powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp pepper
• 2 tbsp peanut butter
• cilantro for garnish

Saute onion, green pepper and garlic in olive oil in a soup pot until tender. Add the rest of the ingredients except the peanut butter and cilantro and simmer for about 20 minutes. Remove from heat, add peanut butter, and garnish with cilantro.

If you want a smooth, creamy soup rather than a chunky stew, puree in a food processor or blender after adding the peanut butter. Reheat if necessary, put in bowls, and garnish with cilantro.

Questions or comments? Contact me here.

• 1 1/2 to 2 c grated raw carrots (also a breeze with a food processor)
• 1 c finely chopped raw broccoli (I use a mini-chopper or food processor)
• 3/4 c raisins
• 1/2 c raw sunflower kernels
• 1/2 to 3/4 c Vegenaise soy mayonnaise
• salt to taste

Mix all ingredients together. I don’t like mine drenched in Vegenaise, but some people probably like it more “wet.”

Questions or comments? Contact me here.

One afternoon last week a massage client, a professor at the nearby university, told me the story of one of her students who was recently converted while at a large Christian convention. The student debated whether or not to wear jewelry to the convention, which would be attended primarily by conservative Seventh-day Adventists, a traditionally non-jewelry-wearing population. After all, she didn’t want to be a stumbling block. (1 Corinthians 8:9) But her friends convinced her it was no big deal and she wore what she wanted.

The girl’s conversion began (though certainly Someone was laying the groundwork for a long time beforehand) when she struck up a conversation with a stranger when she arrived at the convention. The woman she spoke with said something about Jesus shining through us, and by the end of the conversation the girl spontaneously and voluntarily removed all of her jewelry. Once back home, she felt so convicted against the wearing of jewelry that she gathered up her collection and threw it in the trash. Incredulous, her friends asked, “Why didn’t you at least give it to us?!” She said she’d felt the need to purge herself of it because she realized it was a stumbling block for her, an idol which came between her and God.

I tell this story most respectfully, and praise God if someone’s relationship with Him has been strengthened.

But I couldn’t help wondering—pearl earrings perched on my earlobes, pearl solitaire necklace dangling from my neck, diamond engagement ring and accompanying wedding band sitting on the bathroom counter waiting to be returned to my finger when the massage was over—if my (non-jewelry-wearing) client was “subtly” preaching at me. Or was she just so caught up in her excitement about the conversion of the student she cared so much about, that she forgot my jewelry?

I grew up in a conservative SDA (non-jewelry-wearing) home. When I was maybe 7 or 8, my dad (a pastor) and I happened upon a Sunday morning church service broadcast on TV. I noticed the earrings the women in the choir wore, and I turned to my dad and asked, “Why don’t we wear jewelry?”

He picked up a Bible and (I tell this story most respectfully as well) opened it to 1 Peter 3:3, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.” I remember thinking, even at that age, “Then why is it okay to braid and curl our hair?”

Despite my dad’s best efforts to reinforce this lesson periodically as appropriate occasions arose (and again, I mean this most respectfully), my subsequent study and life experience leads me to the conclusion that wearing jewelry or not is not a salvation issue. In the realm of spiritual things, to me it’s a VW-sized mosquito, as a friend puts it.

For one thing, the context of 1 Peter 3:3 is Paul speaking to Christian wives whose husbands are unconverted. What I hear him tell these women is to make sure that their inner adornment matched or exceeded any outward adornment they wore, so that their behavior demonstrated Christ’s love to their husbands. Now that’s a principle I can agree carries over to all Christians.

For another, the cultural context out of which Seventh-day Adventism arose was heavily influenced by Puritanical values—which included that of dressing plainly. It could very easily be argued that the idea of jewelry being sinful is a “folklore theology” originating out of this cultural context.

I’ve heard arguments against jewelry from others, but none have ever made much intellectual sense. The weakest was that of an SDA tele-evangelist. Since heaven’s streets are paved with gold (Revelation 21:21), he said, gold is the equivalent of asphalt. Why would you want to wear asphalt in your ears?

I told my husband about my client’s story and my ensuing questions. “People do so many horrible things,” he began. “Much worse than wearing jewelry.” I imagined the response from an anti-jewelry-wearer: Nothing is worse than putting your own desires before God’s.

My husband continued: How does not wearing jewelry make the world a better place? I played the devil’s advocate (yes, I see the irony in using that phrase here) and recited, as I was taught, “Because if your jewelry isn’t drawing people’s attention to you, then they will more clearly see Jesus.” But, he said, what if your jewelry made people notice you, and then because they noticed you, they also noticed your faith in Jesus? I laughed. Besides, he said, people find ways to draw attention to themselves without jewelry. They buy large homes, drive expensive cars, wear fancy clothes or even (in the case of many SDAs) gem-encrusted brooches, or gold engagement watches (a tradition which used to replace the engagement ring). I agreed; people who want to draw attention to themselves can do so even without outward things: their speech, the way they carry themselves, even piety can be used to get attention. Limiting the definition of “adornment” to jewelry alone is missing the point, it seems.

“How about if instead of spending money on jewelry, you put it towards combating world hunger or AIDS or some other plight afflicting those less fortunate?” I asked. Yes, he said, but people will spend their money on anything other than giving to the needy. I agreed. And this idea could very easily be taken to the extreme: Maybe all Christians should live as the apostle Paul did, traveling lightly through life and giving all our material possessions to those less fortunate. But does God call all of us to live that way? Or does He call some to live that way, and others to a life of balance—giving to those less fortunate while also enjoying what He blesses us with?

I decided that the one direct correlation I could find between jewelry and the plight of the world is blood diamonds. I know little more about blood diamonds than what’s in the movie, but it seems eliminating the demand for blood diamonds would indeed make the world a better place for those forced to mine them.

The truth is, I wear jewelry in good conscience and never really think about it—until, that is, I hear a story like this one about my client’s student, in which someone is “convicted by the Holy Spirit” to remove theirs. Then I second-guess myself (something I’m rather prone to do as a general rule anyway). Some would say that’s the Holy Spirit speaking to me.

But is it? If I find no definitive instruction in the Bible not to wear jewelry, why would the Holy Spirit try to convince me otherwise? What does it mean when I find myself second-guessing my Bible-based convictions? Can they be called “convictions” if they’re so easily second-guessed? Does it mean the self-doubt is of man and not God? Or if I re-evaluate those convictions, will I learn a new truth? Because “Bible truths” have been evolving for centuries. But that begs another question: How many times must one person revisit one topic in one lifetime?

Back to the Holy Spirit: If it’s not the Holy Spirit speaking to me, then was it the Holy Spirit speaking to my client’s student? If so, why does He persuade different people of different things? If not, what was it?

I don’t know. I can come up with only two options, neither of which is very satisfying: Either truth is relative and sin is situational, or what we think is the Holy Spirit is really just The Committee, the peanut gallery, the voice of our upbringing or of the group we currently want to belong to.

Because at “the Holy Spirit’s prompting,” or at least in the name of God, people have done many things. Many good things, but also many horrific things, from the Crusades to blowing up the Twin Towers.

Okay, that may be a stretch.

My point is, we so easily make VWs out of mosquitoes. And we try so hard to make things black and white. At its core, Christianity is about accepting Jesus as your Savior. Everything else is secondary. And frankly, I find nearly everything else to be a little gray.

The inner characteristics which “outward adornment” supposedly demonstrates are not eliminated simply by taking out your earrings or removing your rings and necklaces. I know, I know—it’s supposed to be symbolic of what’s happening in the heart. But what happens in someone’s heart is up to the Holy Spirit—not you. I know, I know—when you shared your beliefs about jewelry with me, you felt you were following the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

So here we are again. Perhaps this is really my point: How to decipher the voice of the Holy Spirit from the voice of The Committee?

I don’t know that either, other than to check what you’re “hearing” against the principles laid out in the Bible.

These are big topics and much more could be said, but I’ll end with the principles I understand right now: I try to be a loving, kind, unselfish person—matching my inner adornment with anything outward. I try to balance my luxuries with generosity. And my continual prayer is for an open heart, an eagerness to learn, and a willingness to tear down my “blind spots”–those issues that I subconsciously choose not to look at honestly and rationally.

Because we all have blind spots; they’re just in different places.

So how did you do with your Christmas budget? Confession time for me: As I began shopping, I realized there were a number of things I left out of our 2009 Christmas budget. So we spent more than I hoped—but only with cash or debit card! And now we have a more complete budget for Christmas 2010.

Regardless of whether or not you avoided debt this Christmas, if you’re like most of America, you’re carrying an average of $10,679 in credit card debt (Nilson Report, April 2009, creditcard.com), as well as a hefty amount of student loans and a mortgage.

Don’t think debt matters? Consider this: Paying only the minimum payment on an $8000 credit card debt with an interest rate of 18% will take more than 25 years to repay and cost more than $24,000.

Not only does debt cost you more financially, but it can cause considerable emotional stress as well as strain your relationships. A friend told me recently that since she and her husband started following a budget with a plan to get out of debt, their fights were virtually eliminated.

Enter the debt snowball. Of course, for the snowball to work properly, you must stop accumulating debt. A budget helps tremendously with this. You must also have a $1000 emergency fund in the bank before you start snowballing. Why? Because if an emergency rears its ugly head and you have no cash in reserve, what will you default to? Credit cards. (You may even want to consider cutting up those credit cards at this point to remove the temptation…)

Here’s how to snowball:

• List all of your debts in order from the smallest balance to the largest, including the payoff balance and the minimum payment. (Save your mortgage until you’ve finished Baby Steps 3, 4 and 5.) Ignore interest rates at this point. Yes, mathematically speaking, it makes more sense to pay the debts with the higher interest rates first, but as Dave Ramsey says, good math isn’t what got you into this mess. The immediate gratification you get out of paying off the smaller loans will make you more likely to stick with it.
• Make the minimum payments on each of your debts, but pay extra on the smallest one. (Be sure to note on your pay stub that the extra should go towards the principal.) Is paying extra a stretch? Get mean: What can you and your family live without until you’re out of debt? Cancel your cable TV. Rent movies instead of going to the theatre. Eat beans and rice at home instead of dining out regularly. Avoid the mall like the plague. Take a few extra minutes and make your coffee at home instead of buying a $4 drink at Starbucks every day. I’m sorry to break it to you, but if you’ve racked up tens of thousands of dollars in debt, you don’t deserve a $4 drink at Starbucks every day. Cut out all of those extra expenses, and then have a yard sale. “Sell so much stuff your kids think they’re next!” Dave says. Finally, get creative and find some extra income. Clean house for your friends or neighbors. Mow lawns. Deliver papers before you go to your regular job, or pizzas after you get home.
• When you’ve paid off the smallest debt, add the amount you were paying on it to the minimum payment of the next smallest debt. Continue doing this until you’ve paid off all your debts and you are DEBT FREE!!!

With this method, your monthly cash flow remains the same, but as each debt is eliminated, the amount you are applying to your debts grows like a snowball rolling down a hill. (Hence the name.)

 
Example
Suppose your $10,679 credit card debt is broken down as follows:

After committing to making the minimum payment on all your debts each month, you scrimp and find an extra $100 per month. Add this to the minimum payment for your American Express credit card, for a total payment of $120 per month, and you’ll knock it out in the first month. You now have four debts left, with the following balances:

Now add the $120 you were paying to American Express to your JC Penney credit card, for a total payment of $145 per month, and you’ll pay it off in two months. The final payment will be only $80, so apply the extra $65 to your Macy’s card. You now have three remaining debts, with the following balances:

Apply the $145 you were paying to JC Penney to your Macy’s card, for a total monthly payment of $171, and pay this one off in three months. Your final payment will be only $15, so apply the extra $156 to Discover. You now have two debts, with the following balances:

Then apply the $171 you were paying on your Macy’s card to Discover, for a total payment of $206, and in another 3 months you’ll pay of the Discover card. Your final Discover payment will be only $187, so apply the extra $19 to Visa. You now have only one debt left, with the following balance:

Now apply the $206 you were paying on Discover to Visa, for a total payment of $306. At this rate, it will take more than two years to pay off your Visa. Now would be a good time to have that yard sale or get a side job!

At any rate, you see how it works. In just nine months, you paid off $2984 in debt and reduced your five debts to only one!

 
Different Approaches
This website, http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx, allows you to enter all of your debts, their interest rates, and how much you plan to spend on paying them back. It will then calculate how much your debts are costing you in interest, how long it will take to pay them off, and what payback order makes the most mathematical sense.

It is true that if you are very disciplined, you will get ahead faster by paying off your loans in order from highest interest rate to lowest, but you should only use this approach if you are already highly motivated to eliminate your debt. For most people with a history of financial irresponsibility, the psychological reward of seeing the smallest debts paid off first is more beneficial than the math involved in paying lower interest rate loans first. Remember too that by paying the smallest debt first your snowball gains momentum faster. Moreover, the more minimum payments you eliminate will lower your monthly financial obligations and reduce your risk in the event of an emergency or lost job.
 

Snowballing vs. Consolidating
Debt is not a problem; it’s a symptom of overspending and under-saving. Debt consolidation treats only the symptom, not the problem. People who consolidate usually end up deeper in debt because they haven’t learned not to spend more than they earn. One debt consolidation firm reported that about 78% of the time, a client who consolidated his credit card debt will accumulate it right back.

Furthermore, debt consolidation costs you more in the long run. While it results in a lower payment, and perhaps even a lower interest rate, the term is extended so you end up in debt longer, meaning you pay the lender more interest. Dave Ramsey offers this example: Suppose you have a two-year $10,000 loan at 12% and a four-year $20,000 loan at 10%. Your monthly payments are $517 and $583, respectively, $1100 per month total. A debt consolidation company rolls your two loans into one and lowers your payments to $640 per month and your interest rate to 9%. Seems like a good deal, but now it will take you six years to pay off the loan, and cost an extra $5688 ($46,080, as opposed to $40,392 on the original loans). Debt consolidators make money off of you.

Snowballing is free, and it develops in you the character required for good money management. In order to treat the root problem, you must have a plan to stop overspending, pay cash for things, and save for the unexpected.

Questions or comments? Contact me here.

Other posts in this series:

• My Journey Towards Financial Freedom
• Dave Ramsey’s Seven Baby Steps
• How to Make a Budget That Works

Stay tuned for upcoming posts in this series:

• Myths About Debt: Why It’s Not a Wealth-Building Tool
• The Necessary Components of Every Financial Plan
• How to Calculate Your Net Worth
• Extra Wealth: This is What It’s All About!

• 1/2 c margarine
• 3/4 c honey
• 1/4 c dark molasses
• 2 tbsp ground flaxseed
• 2 c flour (half and half white and whole wheat)
• 1/2 tsp ground cloves
• 1/2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• dash cayenne
• 3 1/2 oz (1 bag) crystallized ginger, chopped coarsely

Preaheat oven to 375 degrees. Combined softened margarine, honey, molasses and flaxseed and beat well. Add dry ingredients and mix well. Stir in crystallized ginger. Chill for 1 hour. Form 1-inch balls and roll in granulated sugar. Place on greased cookie sheet 2 inches apart. Bake 8-10 minutes. Makes about 3 dozen cookies.

Questions or comments? Contact me here.

Can’t find some of these ingredients in your local grocery store? Order them online here.

• 6 c old fashioned oats
• 1 c coconut
• 1 c sliced almonds
• 1/2 c honey
• juice of 1 orange
• juice of 1 lemon
• orange zest
• lemon zest
• 1 1/2 c dried cranberries

Mix all ingredients except the cranberries well and bake on a cookie sheet at 200 degrees for three hours or until desired crunchiness. Add dried cranberries when cool.

Are sliced almonds too expensive at your local grocery store? Buy them in bulk here.

Years went by, however, and our waistlines either stayed the same or expanded–probably because an increase in calories made up for the absence of fat. It took awhile, but I began to understand that fat-free isn’t calorie-free. Nor is it necessarily healthy!

In truth, your body needs fat. You’ve heard of essential fatty acids? They’re so named because they are, in fact, essential: Your body cannot manufacture them from the food you eat. These fats play an important role in growth and development as well as in the prevention and treatment of chronic diseases. Fat serves other practical purposes as well: It adds flavor to your food and, because it is digested more slowly than other nutrients, keeps you full between meals.

There are three main types of fats: Saturated are the “bad” fats. Typically solid at room temperature, these fats are found mainly in meat and dairy products as well as coconut and palm oils. A diet too high in saturated fat leads to heart disease and cancer. Polyunsaturated fats are in corn, soybean safflower and sunflower oils. Substituting these for saturated fats lowers cholesterol, but too much polyunsaturated fat can promote cancer. “Good” monounsaturated fats also lower cholesterol. They’re found in olive, canola and peanut oils. However, no refined fat is “healthy”; consume these good fats primarily in their most natural state (such as in olives, avocados, nuts and seeds), and use oil only in very small amounts.

Other fats have also recently become household names. Hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated fats are unsaturated fats which have been altered to extend their shelf life. They contain harmful trans fats and should be avoided completely. Cholesterol is a type of fat the body produces (as do the bodies of other animals). Eating cholesterol raises your cholesterol, as does consuming saturated and trans fats. Omega-6 and omega-3 fatty acids are essential polyunsaturated fats. In the typical American diet, omega-6 fats are plentiful while omega-3s are scarce. This dangerous ratio leads to inflammation (a factor present in many chronic diseases), heart disease, stroke, autoimmune diseases, skin diseases and depression. The body cannot make sufficient DHA, another essential omega-3 fat, on a diet high in omega-6 fats and low in omega-3s.

Don’t waste too much energy on how much of each kind of fat is in your food; simply eat a diet rich in a variety of whole, unrefined foods, as close to their most natural state as possible. As mentioned above, the best sources of good fats (including omega-3s) are almonds, walnuts, flaxseed, pumpkin seeds, sunflower kernels and avocados.

Are raw nuts and seeds too expensive at your local grocery store? Buy them in bulk here.

How much fat should you eat per day? If you are overweight and trying to lose weight, it’s okay to consume very little fat while you lose weight, because your body will use what it has stored. But don’t stay on a non-fat or extremely low-fat diet long-term! If you are at a healthy weight and exercise regularly, eat as much as three to four ounces (about 2 small handfuls) of raw nuts or seeds per day, an avocado, or a couple of tablespoons of olive oil. Growing children or someone who has a hard time gaining weight can eat more than that, but it should still be fat in its most natural form. Even if you are healthy and an ideal weight, fat should comprise no more than 30% of your total calorie intake at most; on a 2000-calorie diet, that’s about 600 calories worth. Put another way, about 65 grams.

Any way you look at it, remember that even the healthy fats in avocado, nuts and seeds pack a nine-calorie per gram punch, so if you want to maintain or lose weight, watch your intake. (In contrast, protein and carbohydrates contain only four calories per gram.)

One last bit of fat trivia: The fat on your plate will very easily be converted into body fat. So easily, in fact, that a biopsy of the fat on your waist, hips or thighs would reveal precisely where that fat came from: a pig, a chicken, a hunk of cheese or handful of nuts! Now that’s food for thought…